Let Your Light Shine, End of Summer/Early Fall 2016.

8/25/16: Julianna rolled over all by herself today. From her back to her belly!!!! She was the sweetest little thing hiking her legs over to make it happen!! ;)

Today was also Tuck's first day of preschool. He's going 2-days a week from 8-230 and we just prayed and prayed that he would BE a friend to someone else in need, rather than need a friend himself. 

He shed QUITE a few tears and had lots of hesitations when mommy, daddy, and julianna had to leave and he had to stay, and without a doubt, I shed a few tears of my own as we walked out as well. BUT we picked him up right on time (okay, maybe we were there 10 minutes early) and had nothing but smiles and stories and "when do I get to go back to MY school, MomMEE??" which made our hearts feel SUCH peace knowing we made the right decision.

It's so hard letting them go and stay in someone else's (we pray) watchful care, but we knew we needed this time at home with Julianna as well, and he needed time to have more attention and make friendships outside of his family and church friends. It truly became the best of both worlds for all of us.

At the the end of July, we were blessed to purchase a 1925 Craftsman Fixer Upper home. It's everything we've been praying and waiting for, and for SIX years.... The process of searching, waiting, consistently looking, viewing homes, open houses, fsbo, making offers, falling short, getting outbid, losing what we thought was ours forever, walking away from another what we thought was our forever....

God knew all along the perfect home for us, and the exact location, and the moment in time that it would become ours. We are so so excited to have a home we can renovate and fix up BEFORE we move into it... another huge blessing that was all part of His perfect plan and timing...

This incredible guy--he spent 9 years in the corporate world, giving much of his time and energy and I have no doubt, all along he was making a big impact on those he met and crossed paths with. But what was happening at the same time, was his passion and love for teaching and instructing was an "extra" on top of his already demanding work week and schedule. Thus, it was a "burden" and he couldn't fully thrive in his passion, often heard complaints from me about his time away from home being toooo much... so in June 2015, he was able to make the choice to step away from his corporate position and eventually would begin his very own business, Battle Rock Krav Maga... which led to another opportunity for him to teach that same course at the University. Sometimes I literally have to take a step back and look at all that God has done, and just scratch my head -- knowing that HE knew all along, and that WE had NO CLUE our lives would look so different!!!

We have this one and her older brother to thank for the changes in life and really, the COMPLETE 180 we have both made in our jobs. I also think Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University was a massive influence over our financial planning and budgeting. It doesn't matter how much money you make, if you can't manage it, it will manage you, and you will never be happy or have enough...

It's amazing the lessons we can learn from something so little. (Sweet baby girl is 4 months old here)... We are all given a light, and expected to shine, and LET our light shine for others, to see Him in us... It's not to shine so that "we" look good, or we look successful or accomplished, or whatever the picture this world tries to paint of what "success" is... It is ALL ABOUT HIM, and everything we have is FROM Him. THAT my friends, will keep you working hard, not "for the here and now" but for the legacy that you will leave, for the generations who will follow or unfollow in your footsteps ;) Let that light SHINE!!!!

...take time to get away and spend with family, especially when your brother's university is playing their opening season game at the Bristol Motor Speedway...

...bask in the blazing sunshine, on hard stadium seats, sweating like the dickens, snuggling a princess, and catching up with those you love most... so thankful my Mom, sis-n-law Rebecca and her kiddos, and our sweet friend Ms Liz, could all come to this special event.

Take a week away, and spend it with your family in a new town, or in a town you frequent every single year. We shared some sweet memories together with Grandad and Mimi, as well as my Mom at our family timeshare week. Tuck wanted me to know "I am watching Julianna today.." ;)

Take time to just cherish even the moments that are hard. Where your hands are so full, you haven't showered in 3 days, but your little ones don't care, are so unbiased it isn't even funny, and they still want to snuggle so close in your lap... they're only little once. They only snuggle for so long.

Take time to just be... quiet... still.... listening... searching... seeking... praying... trusting... believing that He has all things already worked out for good.

just being.....because you would probably never know that during most of these pictures, I was struggling more than I ever had in my entire life. Struggling to put one foot in front of the other. Struggling to find my next breath. Feeling as though I was drowning in a sea of piled laundry, a sink full of dishes and sippy cups, leadership books I hadn't had a chance to read yet, a business that was thriving and I could have cared less, a new house that needed renovating decisions made, a daughter who would soon undergo surgery and everyone in the entire world that sees her makes the saaaaaaaame comment: "she's so little..." .... I could go on and on and on, and ultimately what I found myself facing was a dead end road that became darker and darker much faster than I was prepared to handle. 

PPD. Post. Partum. Depression. And let me assure you my friends, it is very real, and it sneaks in like a snake and begins to strangle you until you literally can't breathe and all you want to do is drive your car off the bridge, or into the concrete barrier on the interstate, WITH your daughter strapped in her infant carrier in the back seat. Yes. That's probably hard to read, just as it's so hard for me to say, and was even harder to admit at the time. All I can say, is thank my Heavenly Father God Almighty for somehow helping me text my amazing friend and our children's pediatrician to have a conversation. That was the first step in the right direction and I'll skip the middle to save time, but that ONE text message, followed by a phone call saved my life, and my daughter's life. 

I didn't have a light during the previous month (July), or the upcoming 2 months (August/September), or perhaps I had a light, but it had been completely stifled. I was tired. I was mean. I hurt other's feelings. I was edgy. I often yelled, even at my daughter. Yes. I hate even sharing that, but I am telling you all of this so you will quickly see that WHAT you see on social media, is the 'wedding day' of everyone else's life...I was not myself in any way, shape, fashion, or form. But the world never knew. 

I can also tell you I would not have survived PPD without my husband, who became my guardian angel and took every step necessary (above what he was ALREADY doing, which is far more than he would ever take credit for) to help me get through and rise above. He was my saving grace many nights, and also many days when I just couldn't handle anything or anyone. He left house and garage projects/jobs undone so he could just be home with us. He set alarms all throughout the night, every night, to check on me and our kids. He made breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, and never ever once complained. Not once... 

The good news is...there is a light, and it began to shine from within. Through many many many prayers, a few days away at a leadership retreat, lots and lots of snuggles, an incredible book by author John O'Leary called On Fire, time to just sit and breathe...

and time to hold onto this sweet angel...

....to stare deeply into those beautiful big brown eyes... because just like THAT, she is now 5 months old. God. IS. Good. and He who began a good work in you, IS faithful to complete it and perfect it...Philippians 1:6. What an incredible promise, that I am forever thankful for, especially through the recent season of struggle and darkness... 

My friends, what if I hadn't reached out. What if I hadn't acted on that nudge to just ask my sweet friend what she thought...

I can't even begin to think of the consequences that could have been endured...the loss.. the heartache... the unknown... 

I count my blessings every. single. day. and my biggest blessings are right here...

Take time. Time to just sit and feel the breeze, to admire God's work in front of you, and appreciate your OWN life that HE has GIVEN you.

Take nothing for granted. Enjoy every smile and every tear. Every heartache and every victory. Every moment with friends, even when it's again, hot as blazes at the corn maze and all you wanna do is find a tent to stay in the shade... it's all a moment in time to be cherished and looked back on with an abundantly thankful heart.

I'm so thankful. 

So grateful.

So blessed.

Letting our light shine.

Letting HIS Light shine.