Summer 2017. His Power is Made Perfect in our Weakness.

Blessed doesn’t even begin to describe how putting these scrubs and this white coat back on makes me feel!! My friends, His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect through our weakness. So I will boast all the more gladly of my struggles so that His power may rest on me. 

(Mother's Day 2017)

It is no secret that we were S T R U G G L I N G at this time last year. We had just become a family of four, were in the beginning stages of renovating a 1925 historic craftsman home we had just bought, both of us busy business owners, and I was neck deep in PPD. I had completely lost my identity in Christ, as Janice, wife, mama, daughter, sister, nurse practitioner, friend. I was seeking validation from social media and every outside source or person I could to try and fill this huge void I felt in my heart after stepping away from my role as an NP at the hospital. 

(Mother's Day 2017)

I believe there is God-designed purpose and something to learn from everything we experience and every decision (good or bad) we make in life. I have felt this huge tug in my heart to practice again in some way whether as a nurse, a nurse practitioner, a clinical instructor, medical missions director, etc ever since we were in the hospital with Julie for her surgery last November. No matter how hard I tried to ignore it, there was this constant stirring in my heart that I just couldn't put to the side any longer. 

I fought the nudge to act on it and pushed it back initially because I knew I needed to be a more fully-present mama for her as she recovered from surgery, and also because I was deeply seeking to find myself again in Him. Through so many prayers, time just sitting at the feet of Jesus, vast conversations with my husband and mama as well as the ladies in my small group, I 100% knew God was leading me to step out of the business I had worked so hard to build and share with others. A business that dramatically changed the way we lived and spent our time (in a good way), but a business that also was now pulling me in a direction and focus apart from what I'm most passionate about and what I desire most at this season of life. And that is being who Jesus wants me to be, not who the world wants me to be. Being who Jesus called me to be and again pursuing the calling and passion He instilled inside my heart and equipped me to do 12 years ago as a nurse, and 10 years ago as an acute care pediatric nurse practitioner.

It is incredible what you can learn from your little ones and from God when you take the time to just sit, be QUIET, and listen. For me unfortunately and fortunately, it took being knocked down on my knees and even at times flat on my face over and over again, to the point where I was so deep into the dark abyss with what seemed like no way out except through the grace of God. Guess what. That's exactly where He knew I needed to be in order for me to wake up and LOOK UP to see and hear all that He had planned. So had I not gone through that darkest season of life, I would have missed out on these incredible blessings that literally to this day (sept 21, 2018) continue to overflow my cup. 

And it's just more proof that His power truly is made perfect in our weakness. I was approached by a dear friend and colleague from Children's (that God Himself kept me closely connected with through my business...how incredible is that???...) who asked me to prayerfully consider working as an adjunct faculty with their University's School of Nursing as a Clinical Instructor. To be honest, it wasn't something I really had ever "desired" to do when I went through nursing school or when I practiced at Children's. But by Summer, I was beginning to feel hungry to get back into the hospital and I felt this could be a good transitional step for practicing again one day. 

In the meantime while all of this was going on, I also began training in Krav Maga under my husband's coaching and oh my goodness, what an open door I saw to "do life and business" with him!!?!!? I again had felt that our businesses were pulling us in different directions, and I was so hard-headed about giving mine up, and then when this (above pic) happened everything started to come full circle. I all of a sudden saw myself as the little girl who's standing in front of Jesus holding on to this raggedy and worn teddy bear, crying and begging Him not to ask me to give it up, when behind His back He is holding a brand new, bigger and better teddy bear to give to me as soon as I am willing to let it go. Are. You. Kidding. Me. Yes my friends, HE CARES THAT MUCH about us and about our heart's deepest and most authentic desires. 

So in the midst of battling this decision to step out of Arbonne, God used the people closest to me (my husband, my children, my mama, my small group, and a very dear friend) to open my eyes to all that He had in store for our family. He showed me if I would just let go of what was good, He could lead me to great. That led to me accepting that position and beginning a new season of life back at Children's Hospital and I was in H E A V E N getting to see old friends and make new friends, and love on sweet little babies and patients which I had so MISSED. It filled and overflowed my cup and for the first time in a long time I felt J O Y. True. Real. Deep. Heart-bursting. Elating. JOY!

There's a song that I've always loved that says, "You give me joy that's unspeakable, and I like it..." That is exactly how I would sum up what stepping back into the hosptial did for me. It made me a better wife and mama too, a better friend and daughter and sister. All of a sudden, our world (my world) was beginning to shine even brighter. Not because of anything I had done, but because of what God was doing in my heart and my life.

I could see Him so much more vividly in every aspect of my life. Time became even more precious. Yes I was taking time away to spend hours at a time at the hospital, but that is my calling and where God wants me. So I didn't once feel resentment or bitterness towards my work. In my former business, it literally got to the point where I dreaded many tasks and events and I felt so fake and that I had to be picture perfect to be accepted or respected, so much so that it wasn't even enjoyable! Not even a little bit. Life should never be like that, and sadly I think so many of us are stuck in the vortex of social media and what the world expects and demands of us that we are missing out on what matters most. 

Being fully present. And I mean FULLY present. Not just at home, working from home, from your phone while your kids are literally at your knees begging you to play or get you a snack or something to drink and you keep saying "yes, in just a second" only for an hour or more to pass and they come back after playing by theirself to ask you again, or remind you that you never got them their snack.... that was me, for a solid two years. Not. Any. More. Once I left the hospital, I left my work there. I wasn't on call, or expected to be on a call for a meeting or training, and I didn't have to be on my phone for everyone else who thought they needed me or couldn't do the business without me. It was so F R E E I N G!!!!!!

(Father's Day 2017)

This man has been the most instrumental person on earth in helping me navigate and conquer my doubts, fears, and feelings of complete and utter failure. He breathed so much life into me and at the time that it mattered most. I have heard him say over and over "Janice, if you're not finding joy in what you do, then stop...no one is making you do this. Life is too short and too hard to let what other people think or say upset you, much less define who you are and how you feel. I just want you to be happy. What is it that truly makes you happy...that's what you should focus your time and energy in doing."

(Father's Day 2017)

W I S D O M is his gift. Todd is so much like my Dad. I've said that countless times, but it resonates more and more with me as we experience all of life's ups and downs together. What in the world would I do without him. These two children of ours also absolutely adore their precious daddy and it's because he is so very present in their lives every single day. I don't discount the blessings our family received from Arbonne, and I know a huge part of it, perhaps THE very purpose behind it was actually for Todd all along. So that he could have the opportunity to step out of his corporate position after 10 years to pursue his lifelong dream of being a business owner and sharing his passion with others. So that he could be a more present husband and father, and that's exactly what he is.

My soul sister, Jessica. This was our last day together in Knoxville before she and her husband relocated to her hometown, hours and hours away. My heart was breaking but in the very same moment I knew our year of frienship had served such a strong purpose in having each other through times of struggle and darkness and doubt and would continue to hold strong for us in the years ahead. And it has....we've continued to stay so very close despite the miles between us. I see her maybe a couple times a year now, and while visits and coffee and dinners are never long enough, they are just enough to fuel us till the next time we get to sit down together and catch up. I count this precious gem as one of my top five. You know, those five people who when you spend time with them you know you come out a better person, a more grateful friend, a happier wife and more loving mother. Yep. That's what happens when my soul is fed by time with her. Goodness GRACIOUS I miss you Jess!!!

When this little one had surgery, Jess was at our house within a couple days to bring food, hold Julie and love on her while I sat and drank a cup of coffee or stuffed my face with peanut butter! She shows up when it matters most, whether I've asked or not. One in a million she is. Just like our sweet Julianna...won't let anything or anyone stand in the way of accomplishing her goal, even if it's just to see her daddy and brother playing football outside in the yard. Whatever it takes, right?

Last summer was so much proof that His ways are Higher. My verse for 2017 was Ephesians 3:20 "Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than anything we could ever ask or imagine, according to His perfect Will that is already at work in us..." and while I thought that meant for my business...it wasn't. It was in fact was meant for me. Just me. ME!! His plans were to rescue me from what I thought was success and worth and value to show me what true success really does look like. It looks like this picture (above) and (below). Two little ones who want nothing more than to spend time with you no matter where you are. Who want to RUN their hiny's off and jump straight into your arms as soon as you walk in the door from the hospital. Who want to stay right by your side during pre-planning rounds at the hospital.

It's not about me at all, actually. It's all about the lives being shaped by me through Him, and the ones who will come generations down the road from now. The values they've received, the grace they've been shown, and the love of Jesus they've felt because of you. Because of your walk with Christ and your desire to please Him in everything that you do.

God doesn't call the equipped; He equips the called. I didnt feel equipped at all to return to the hospital, but I knew it was where my heart was leading me and it absolutely no doubts whatsoever is the calling God gave me. I knew that strong and unwaivering tug in my heart was from Him. While it took several months for me to act on that nudge I felt in November 2016, while holding my sweet 6mo old baby girl in her hosptial room...God was patient. He bestowed so much clarity, grace and discernment over me through that time. I felt unworthy to be given such an impressionable position, to have such influence over these precious lives at such pivotal moments in their lives, about to step into their nursing careers. It blessed my heart exceedingly abundantly beyond what I knew was ever possible!!

We continued to just seek Him. Just seek God. Not what everyone else thought we should be doing, not what the picture perfect world of social media made us feel we should chase after. We learned and had experienced what true joy in Jesus felt like, and that's what we began chasing after. We dedicated our sweet Julie girl to Jesus and committed just as we had with her older brother to raise her in the Lord and teach and train her to put Jesus first, to love Him above all, to put others before herself, and to know she is so loved by Him and by us always, no matter what.

(Happy 73rd Birthday, Grandad! July 2017)

Todd and I both are so very blessed to have parents who loved Jesus first and who modeled Christ-like behavior as parents for us growing up, and who instilled the same desire within us to lead our children to know and love Jesus first, others second, and ourselves last.

That is no easy task and we fail multiple times a day. But another way that we see God's power being made so perfect through our weakness is in our children. They forgive us every time we mess up, and they forget about it within a few moments. That's such a picture perfect portrayal of God's amazing grace. His mercies that are new every morning that we get to experience. I'm so grateful.

So grateful for my family. For my husband and sweet children. So grateful for the love I feel from them every single day, no matter what.

So grateful that Todd is able to pursue his passions and live out his dreams of being an entrepreneur while empowering others with the necessary skills needed to protect themselves and others. It's truly the highlight of my day to see you growing in Him and leading others to do the same...to focus their time and energy on seeking God, not trying to figure out what His will is...but just seek Him and let Him reveal His incredible plans along their walk with Him in faith together.

At this point, we are nearing the final renovations for the "must-haves" that need to be done before we can move into our home. I haven't even talked about all that we have been doing in the midst of "life" happening around us every day. There are countless decisions being made and projects underway to make our house a home...one of them being a bigger sink in the kitchen, and that's exactly what we got...stay tuned for early 2018 posts of her AND her brother in a kitchen sink big enough for a bath ;)

One thing I will say is that if you don't take time to invest in your spouse and undistracted time with him/her, you will not have a marriage. You will simply exist together and it won't be pleasant. Through it all, we have been so intentional about taking time away even just for 2 hours to have a nice and fancy quiet dinner together. This night was so lovely--I will remember it until the day I die!

(2017 Eclipse Donuts--they're really are as good as they look in the next pic!)

While we are blessed to have lots of time together at home, it isn't always easy to snag quality husband/wife time and conversation with our two little ones. Don't get me wrong, they are our focus while they are awake and we love investing the time we have together as a family with them...but being honest here, parenting is hard and sometimes ugly and unflattering, and exhausting. So by the time they lay their sweet little heads down to go to bed, we can't lay our own heads down to sleep fast enough! We also know sweet Julie girl is bound to wake up within a few hours as she usually does.

I've heard over and over and over in the last year "don't wish this season away" and "make the most of this time together" and "they're gonna grow up quicker than you can bat your eyelashes" and I know this is all true. And for some reason, hearing this over and over and over would have normally completely frustrated me. So it must be the new perspective God has given me of how quick and fragile life really that has helped me cherish each moment, each day, no matter how hard or dark or exhausting or joyful.

I also know talking with my sweet Mama every day is a gentle but hard reminder that we aren't promised tomorrow. She has now lived more than a decade without her husband, her best friend, her other half. I can't imagine that. So often I want to have "me time" and just take a nap or have a break to clear my head, but she reminded me that she's in a place in life where she has more "me time" than she knows what to do with. She would give anything to have an abundance and overflow of work and running errands and cooking for and cleaning up after if she had the choice.

But she does choose joy. She lives each day fully present as best she can with her children and grandchildren, and continues to pray every single day for us, and also still models what a woman after God's own heart should. I know she sees the fruits of her and daddy's labor in her grandchildren.



They way many of them favor him and even look like him in their expressions and mannerisms. This once in a lifetime opportunity to experience the solar eclipse couldn't have happened at a better place than on the farm with my mom and my older brother and his family.

A first for all of us that we will never forget. Time stood still for that one moment when the sun was completely blocked by the moon, everything was dark, and we could hear how in sync God's creation and His creatures are with the "rising and falling" of the sun. It was truly indescribable.

As most would admit, traffic following that incredible milestone in time was not so incredible at all. It took us (me and the kids) 5 hours to drive what would normally take 45 minutes. With less than a mile to our destination, Tucker threw up EVERYWHERE in the backseat of the car. Thank goodness we were actually close to arriving at the training site where our babysitter met us and completely took over and handled Julie while I got Tuck all cleaned up so he could play. It was awful. Bless his little heart and tummy!! But the evening was made perfect when I got to see and train alongside my sweet husband. Monday nights with him are my favorite =)

Apparently, he was just tired of being in the car for sooooo long, but was good as new that evening and the next day. If there is one thing that is true about Tucker and his huge heart, its that he loves his mama. Every time I come home from the hospital he always asks me: "Mommy? How was your day at the hospital? How many kids did you see today? How old were they? Did you have a good time?" Talk about melting me into a complete puddle!!! He means every word too. He is the sweetest little boy I've ever known and it gives me complete validation from Jesus that I am where He wants me.

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

If you're having trouble finding joy, take a few minutes and write down 5 things you're thankful for. Here are a few of mine:

#1 8/27/17-our first night in our new home!!!

#2 my husband who saved us literally thousands of dollars by building and restoring and renovating our new garage and our historic home himself!!

#3 the sweetest babies in the world who I simply can’t imagine my life without!!

#4 small groups: because through the good and the bad, the easy and the challenging, together is always better!!

#5 the freedom to start each day with my cup of coffee and my Bible. Sitting at the feet of Jesus each morning is where you truly are able to see how His Power is made perfect in our weakness. 

Julie Girl’s 1st Birthday... Proverbs 31:25.

How are you ONE?!!? I vividly remember everything about the day you were born and the weeks leading up to this incredible moment for our family. Now a family of four, you perfectly completed us and made us whole.

 

I’ve dreamed my whole life of being a mommy and having both a son and a daughter. God tells us in His Word to ask and it will be given, and that He knows our heart’s desires. How beautiful is it that He granted those desires for me!!!

 

The night before your very first birthday, I held you in my arms and rocked you to sleep. I cried so many tears of joy and thankfulness and disbelief that a year had already passed. It wasn’t an easy year but it was WORTH EVERYTHING we went through to have you in our arms every day and to hear your sweet baby babbling, to feel you breathing on my neck and chest. To know that you only want to be held by us because we are where you find security and love and comfort. 

There’s no greater feeling in the world than the LOVE you feel from your own babies. I am forever grateful for the valleys we’ve experienced together because I know they have made us closer and better together. You’ve made me a better wife and mama, sweet Julianna... and I am so thankful that today we get to celebrate the incredible gift of YOU!!

 

I prefer keeping things simple when it comes to birthdays because that seems to be the motto of our life. We enjoy and cherish the time we have together more than the “things” life provides. The best things aren’t things.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I will still find some cute little things to set out and decorate with, but on a small scale compared to most. It’s just our style. I will also say that pink and gold and polka dots and burlap won’t ever go out of style  and I can re-use them year after year for our sweet girl!! 

Our sweet friend Rachel Waddell made these little cakes and cupcakes and I just swooned over how perfect they were!!

Wrapped. That is all I can say about how her daddy is completely wrapped around her little finger!! I love how much they love each other. I adore how much she adores him. I die over the sparkle she has for him (and her brother) in her eyes.

 Mostly, I just die over her and how perfect she is. I remember them telling us when we had her anatomy ultrasound that she was “so petite” and I thought to myself...do you SEE my husband and I?!? We are tall and so far from petite!..,

...How could she really be so petite??...but indeed, she is the sweetest most petite little thing I have ever laid my eyes on and I can’t imagine her any other way!! I love those itty bitty feet and her cheeeeeeks!! ♥️

She for sure is fearfully and wonderfully made, perfect in the image of Him!! We are so so thankful for you sweet Julie girl. We love you as deep and as wide and as far as the ocean. Happy 1st Birthday!! 

A Time for Every Season. Ecclesiastes 3:1.

There are times for every season and apparently a few seasons "off" from blogging. But one thing I know is true and that is I never take time away from photographing our family and especially our children. It will take me awhile to catch up, but here is a start at catching up to our current life events.

Valentines Day 2017. I say this every single year but it’s still true to this day. I couldn’t imagine living this perfectly imperfect life with anyone other than you. I’m so thankful God planned you for me. Happy Valentine’s Day to my best friend and soulmate. PS-if you want an amazing burger in the Knoxville area, I will always recommend Litton’s..BUT Stock and Barrell treated us really well today and the burgers were absolutely amazing. 

Daddy shared so many kisses and hugs with our littlest valentine. As I write this, and honestly for the past YEAR, Julie has refused and protested every single little bow or headband we have tried to put on her...so Imma sit right here for awhile and enjoy this sweet little face + stare at her handsome daddy. Looking back through these pictures has completely blown me away with how quickly these babies grow up! All the tears.

 

If there’s one thing you’ll find is very consistent with our babies, it’s that they always wear Freshly Picked moccasins. Tuck has now outgrown the sizes they offer 😭 so it is perfect timing to have a little one all over again to model these adorable baby shoes!! Julie has way too many and also not enough. We also really love supporting mompreneurs, so it’s easy to validate aaaaaalll the shoes she has. 

These two became best friends as soon as she entered the world, but now that she can crawl and move around and sit up all by herself, she does not a single of those by herself. Tuck is absolutely immersed in his baby sister. He BEGGED us when she was only a few days old to leave her on the floor with him so she could play. Melt this mama heart and now it’s exploding with all the joy and laughter and love I see shared between these two!!

Story time together as a family has so much more excitement as Tuck wants to explain and share every detail of every page with Julie, and make her find the bird or the star in every picture!! It’s so precious and just priceless moments we are both blessed to capture with them. 

Daddy’s work on the garage is nearing its end and we are so so thankful for his many talents and abilities!! What a labor of love this has been, but so worth it. Yes. Julie made sure to approve the outdoor lighting (still to be installed), the paint color we selected, and our carriage-style garage doors...which I LOVE!! 

Hard work calls for hard sleep and this girl knows how to get it done. I absolutely LOVE that she can take a peaceful nap in our backyard, feeling the wind blow through her little legs and toes, holding onto “Bop-Bop” her paci whom she never naps or sleeps without (except for those awful 21 days following her surgery when he was forbidden 😩) and yes still wearing that perfect little headband!! Can I love her anymore?!??

 

God’s blessings are so abundantly vivid in our babies and this picture right here is a perfect example of His unfailing love and grace over us. Julianna wanted NOTHING to do with a spoon (especially if it had food on it) just 4 months prior which was right before her surgery. So many traumatic and emotionally challenging (for all of us) events were wrapped around a simple tool that we use every single day without hesitation or a second thought. Now she continues to eat basically everything we offer her on a spoon. Praise Jesus!! His ways are higher. 

I know I’ve said this before but every time I see our sweet baby girl wrapped and bundled in this blanket it makes me think of my own precious mama and how she must have felt the exact same way towards me. We are so much alike and my life goal is seriously to be just like my mom. I am so thankful she saved this baby blanket that I was wrapped and snuggled in as a baby too. I will absolutely do the same for Julianna to have one day for her own baby girl. What a treasure. 

I finally started training in Krav Maga with the best and hottest instructor on earth.  No seriously, if you haven’t checked out one of his classes, you definitely should! He’s SUCH a great teacher. 

...and you know I’m gonna share lots of pics of our littles just because I can and honestly because I can’t believe how much they change in a years time!!! 

We were still living in our condo at this time while renovating our home, but I am so thankful to have captured these special moments of them together...

...Julianna pulling up to peek out over her crib railing💗...

Some seasons are meant for blogging and others (apparently) are not 🤣 Goodness, it’s been 7 months since I last posted and that was from January of last year 😳 ...so here is a quick catch-up from 2017...

...favorite hat day at school for Tuck. Those Spider-Man crocs were also his very favorite...

...those little hands and fingers and her precious little head...

...time with our Krav friends and family every Monday night...

...after-school snacks on the front porch...

...and swinging with Daddy and Grandad while they take a quick break from house renovations. I’m pretty sure they were installing new sheetrock ceilings at this point in time...

...but goodness gracious those smiles just make my heart swell up with so much joy and thankfulness for this season in our lives. It’s not easy waiting. It’s hard letting daddy go each morning to the house to work, but what a treasure that we can hop in the car and go right over there too and bring lunch and share giggles and laugh and plan and be every kind of excited imaginable for our soon to be new home...

...a home where prayerfully so so so many more moments just like this will be shared and enjoyed... yes sneaking ice cream to his baby sister!!!! Those eyes of hers melt me every single time I look in them! 

And this one, he makes me the happiest person in the world. No one else on earth fills my cup the way he does and I just couldn’t be more thankful for him and how he has sacrificed so much for our family to have this incredible life WITH him. 

Clearly I’m not the only one who feels this way. Julie absolutely adores her daddy and it’s preeeeetty obvious he feels the exact same about her. She’s a daddy’s girl by far and I can’t help but believe that his presence at home every single day has played such a huge role in her deep deep love and admiration for him. 

 

Once in awhile, we get to sneak away for a date and we chose The Cheesecake Factory for this special night out. I love celebrating life with him, and here’s to a Happy early Birthday, babe. 34 never looked so good 😊😉

Julianna keeps growing by the day and here she is swinging outside the church with Mama while Daddy is recognized as Instructor of the Year for his outstanding teaching. Somehow we missed a pic of that moment but when you have an almost ONE year old, I guess that justifies the gaps in pics and a few missed photo opps....

...I will however manage to capture her playing in all of mama’s high heels!!! This girl loves her accessories!!

One moment you’re holding your newborn baby boy for the very first time and the next he’s turning FOUR!!!! I just can’t believe how much you’ve grown and how quickly this monumental moment in time has come. In our family, we tend to celebrate birthdays all month long, or at least for several days all in a row.

 

We take walks with no shirts on (Julianna only 🤣) and we giggle and play peek-a-boo...

...we take pictures everywhere we go and celebrate days even when there’s nothing to actually celebrate except life, love and laughter...

...and this year we absolute took advantage of our new back yard and had a very special outside birthday party with all of our family and friends!!! Of course I failed to take pictures during the moments because I was present as mommy and not even worried about having my phone on me...

...these are moments we won’t get back and I am forever grateful for the time we shared together with Tucker on his special day. 

I’m also thankful I was able to snag this one. My sweet mama with our Julie. Oh how she loves her mamaw. This is one I’ll always treasure. 

We wrapped up his birthday weekend at the park and had the BEST time. Family selfies are a smidge more challenging now 🤣🙌🏼 but i won’t complain for one second because yes our hands are full but our hearts are OVERFLOWING!!! Thank you Jesus for these precious babies and for my amazing husband. Your ways are always higher. Your timing is always perfect. And this seems like a perfect place to wrap up this post and begin a new one. Soon.