September 26, 2012 could not come fast enough. Our 10wk appointment. We were so excited to have heard such a reassuring heartbeat at our visit two weeks ago. Nonetheless, anxiety gets the best of you at times, filling your mind with doubtful thoughts.
Just for the record, ignorance is truly bliss in the world of pregnancy. Having medical knowledge, especially specific to neonates and pediatrics, and seeing a multitude of patients in my practice at Children's with life-long chronic disabilities, syndromes of every kind, heart disease, etc will definitely create a vulnerable mind frame for Satan to penetrate.
With our first pregnancy, this was the visit where everything went wrong...week 10. We heard the baby's heart at week 8, but at the 10 week visit, his or her little heart had stopped beating. He or she was no longer a little life within me, but had already gained angel wings in Heaven (and in my mind, was making my daddy the proudest papaw in all of Heaven).
I believe it goes without saying that I was nervous, anxious, scared, terrified in fact that we would lose this baby too. I had no choice but to have faith, trust God, and convince myself that even if we miscarry again, we would be ok. God took care of us the first time, and He would do the same this time around as well. No doubts.
Todd and I prayed for the Lord's will over our baby. My mind was instantly filled with one of my favorite "go-to" scriptures from our sovereign God's word.
Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving in your heart (no matter the outcome), present your request to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
This is so so true. I can't explain how God's peace can be so calming, but it is. No need to worry or stress, and it doesn't do a bit of good anyways. Just give it to God.
Our appointment was with Dr Haney-Weaver. This was our first time meeting her, and she was wonderful. So sweet and kind to listen to and address our questions. The time finally came for the Doppler heartbeat check.
At this point in time, I still have my flat stomach and abs, and there is no indication (aside from intermittent bloating) that I am pregnant from the outside. LOTS of other symptoms very supportive of pregnancy, but to a stranger (and even people I know very well), no physical sign of a brewing baby.
She tried for at least 5 minutes to find our baby's heartbeat, but no luck. Was I starting to feel anxious? Of course. Her words (which instantly calmed me) "you know, this is like trying to find a single Lima bean in a bowl of soup. Lets just get an ultrasound."
So, once again, we head in to the dark ultrasound room where my heart just sinks a little with every step I take. As soon as our tech placed the ultrasound wand on my belly,
there was our baby, and with a perfect heartbeat. God is faithful.
No comments:
Post a Comment