Today, we also honor and remember my wonderful and incredible dad. On March 26th, 2005, he was delivered by the grace of God from his battle with cancer, and set free to spend eternity with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Oh, how I would give anything in the world to see his face, see his smile, hug and squeeze my arms around him, and show him my growing belly. I have no doubt whatsoever, that he would be the MOST proud papaw in the world. It again, gives me such great joy knowing that we already have a little angel in Heaven, probably talking his papaw's ears off! I don't know where that trait would come from, but it's just my gut feeling that our first baby was/is a talker =)
My dad still holds more clout and respect in my heart than any other man in this world. He set the standard way above par for the husband that I wanted and would not otherwise settle for. I believe with all my heart that my dad loved Todd just as one of his own sons.
On his last day on earth, I believe he had complete peace in his heart letting go of me as his daughter, and letting Todd take my hand in marriage. Although he wasn't able to be at the wedding, my mom says he seemed perfectly content once all was said and done; he knew his little girl would be well taken care of.
With his last breath, he told my mom he loved her, then immediately stood before the throne of the Most High King. In my earthly mind, I can't imagine what that must have been like, but I am so hopeful that my last days and my last breath on this earth are with my family surrounded near me, holding my hand as I take the next step into eternity as my dad did.
A few months ago, my mom gave me this newspaper clipping that my dad had cut out and had kept in his Bible ever since learning they would become parents. I now have it in my own Bible, right beside his picture, our first baby's ultrasound photo, and the newspaper announcement of our marriage.
"O Heavenly Father, make me a better parent. Teach me to understand my children, to listen patiently to what they have to say, and to answer all their questions kindly. Keep me from interrupting them or contradicting them. Make me as courteous to them as I would have them be to me. Forbid that I should ever laugh at their mistakes, or resort to shame or ridicule when they displease me. May I never punish them for my own selfish satisfaction or to show my power.
Let me not tempt my child to lie or steal. And guide me hour by hour that I may demonstrate by all I say and do that honesty produces happiness. Reduce I pray, the meanness in me. And when I am out of sorts, help me, O Lord, to hold my tongue. May I ever be mindful that my children are children and I should not expect of them the judgment of adults. Let me not rob them of the opportunity to wait on themselves and make decisions.
Bless me with the bigness to grant them all their reasonable requests, and the courage to deny them privileges I know will do them harm. Make me fair and just and kind. And fit me, O Lord, to be loved and respected and imitated by my children. Amen."
Today, we also celebrate eight incredible years of marriage. I never knew I could be so blessed to marry this man, and I wouldn't change ANYTHING we've experienced together. The good and bad, the ups and downs, the struggles and victories, the pain of loss and the joy of new life. Each experience has made us so much stronger in our faith, our love for our Lord, our marriage together as one in Him, and our commitment to raising Tucker to know and honor and love the Lord first, others second, and himself last.
In my last blog post, I mention "A Daddy's Prayer" where Todd wrote out his heart's desires and soul-felt prayer for our family, and the girls surprised me with it for the shower. So I wanted to share it with you today, on what has been the best and hardest day so far that I could have imagined. Reading it over and over reminds me how truly blessed, loved, and cared for I am, and how proud my own Daddy would definitely be of his son-in-law.
A Daddy's Prayer
"Dear Lord, I praise Your wonderful name for the exciting bundle of joy You have blessed us with. I thank you for the opportunity to pour out my life into someone else that is part of me. From the first time I heard Tucker's heartbeat, I knew he was a blessing from God. Thank you for entrusting us with one of your greatest gifts from Heaven.
I pray that You will provide me with the strength to accomplish whatever You put before me, courage to stand up for You and share Your Word, and compassion to show Your love to those of the world.
I pray that You will continue to bless Janice with the desire to be a great mother. Provide her with opportunities to pour out her love. Give her the wisdom and knowledge to take care of the gift You have given us. As she grows weary, provder her with the knowledge that You will always be there and will never leave. Provide confidence for her in times of need.
As we go throughout life, continue to open our eyes to the blessings You have bestowed upon us. Help our faith to grow even stronger and deeper. I pray that our marriage will mirror Your love for the church. Help us be a shining light in this sea of darkness.
Most of all, thank You for sending Your One and Only Son to live a perfectly sinless life and die for all my sins."
In loving memory of my father:
Billy Edwin Barr
March 31, 1948 - March 26, 2005
We love and miss you so much!
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